Communication tips: verbal

Verbal communication

If you need to repeat yourself, do so using the same words. It’s ok to say the same thing in a different way, but try saying it the same way, again, slower, first.
Pause to give her time to process the information.
Communicate at her pace. Keep in mind how that this changes over the course of the day.
Speak directly and in a normal voice. So don’t baby-talk and please don’t yell.
If you’re speaking with someone in a later stage of dementia, introduce yourself (“Hey, Mom, I’m Sally, your daughter…”)
It’s alright to speak a little more plainly and slowly than you might with a person not experiencing symptoms of dementia. Try to keep ideas separate (“Let’s get dressed” instead of “Let’s get dressed so we can get in the car and drive to breakdfast”). Just don’t be condescending.
Don’t let yourself become exasperated, angry, upset. Your goal is to communicate, not to have a perfect conversation.
Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements, especially if you’re getting frustrated. “I’m starting to get upset” instead of “You drive me crazy.”
If you get really upset, immediately remove yourself from the situation. A lot of times, just stepping outside the door to her room is enough. Don’t feel bad about it; you’re only human. But the frustration can be contagious. It’s best to just separate for a few minutes and return when you’re calmer.
Be aware that many folks (often subconsciously) try to hide it if they aren’t quite following the conversation. Be on the lookout for signs you’ve “lost” her and, if so, draw her back in.
- This is especially important in a group conversation
- Try to keep everyone involved without making anyone feel bad, perhaps by re-stating an important point that was just made
Don’t interrupt or try to supply words
Avoid questions as much as possible. Asking “How was your lunch?” might seem benign but can embarrass someone who doesn’t remember her lunch.

Perhaps most importantly, (and especially if you’re meeting resistance), be flexible. Different approaches may work for the same person depending on the day, the time, their mood, yours…. Remember that you’re speaking in an attempt to communicate, and that there are many different ways to do that.

So,what do I mean by “different approaches?” Let’s say that you want to walk with your dad around your neighborhood. You could try saying any of the following:

“Hey, dad, want to go for a walk?”
“Dad, I’m going for a walk, would you please come with me?”
“Your doctor suggested you get out and walk every day. Let’s go now, before the sun sets.”
“Which shoes would you like to wear on our walk?”
“Dad, will you please walk with me to drop off/pick up…something?”

Editor’s Note:

This post is a starting point. I’m sharing some things that I’ve done or seen my friends and colleagues do that seem to work.

The discussion will continue to build, though, through additional articles and links and, most importantly, through your comments. What’s your experience been? Do you have tips to share? What would you like to hear more about in future posts?

One topic that I know we’ll soon address is a question I hear a lot: “When should I “correct” someone who seems disoriented?” (perhaps she keeps calling you by your mom’s name, or she thinks you’re in her childhood home)

We’ll talk more about that here, soon.

–Jennie Lynn Rudder

So, what has your experience been? Have you tried any of these? Do you have more Verbal Communication tips that you can share? Please comment and let us know, or you can e-mail me directly at MySimpleC@SimpleC.com.

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